I have come to the conclusion that interventions are the worst things in the world. Think about it. You are a drug addict. You have been waiting all day to come home and snort a few lines so you will finally feel right. You stopped bringing the stuff to work awhile ago. Too risky. So, you open your front door and… BAM! Intervention!!

Your mom and dad are sitting next to each other, which hasn’t happened in years. Your sister is crying on the shoulder of your best friend. Somehow someone managed to get all your ex boyfriends into one room which is just a whole other problem. And they are all here to tell you that you are messing up. That there is something wrong with you. That you are important to them but you are wrong. You keep eying the drawer where you coke is, and alas, you can’t get to it. Whoever the asshole is that let all these people into the room is going to get it.

It’s basically like walking into an impromptu family meeting that has been called to tell you how much you suck. It’s like, “Natalie, we’re here today to talk about how lazy you are. You don’t make your bed everyday like you used to. The dishes aren’t done immediately after dinner. We noticed you are lounging around the house more. Quite frankly, we’re worried.” Well, shit! What do you even have to say back to that?

Okay, so they’ve all made it clear you have a problem and that the reason your couch is soaked in tears is your own fault. But the most important thing to remember is that they are not leaving until you agree to go to treatment. Is it just me, or does this seem like the ultimate form of peer pressure? The very thing we used to wear ribbons saying we wouldn’t give into. Yeah, that’s what this is. Fucking peer pressure man! But the thought remains, either you agree to go, or they will stay here getting uglier with every sob.

Now flash forward and think about every reality show you have ever seen. Do interventions really work? No! They pretty much all relapse. So stay out of people’s houses and don’t use peer pressure. It will either work out or the person will relapse. The end.


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