Pathological liars are quite possibly the most interesting people on Earth. I have recently come across a few in my circles of friends, and it is like a sociological experiment. If you do not know one of these remarkable people, hastily make your way to a psych ward and befriend one immediately.

Let’s use “Jane” as an example. I worked with Jane a few months ago. She seemed like the sweetest, most genuine person you have ever met. The kind of person who you wanted to hang out with and talk to. She let you into her life telling stories of broken engagements, failed work relationships, and even rape. You really felt bad for this girl, till you started talking to her friends. She seemed down one day so I asked our other friend.

“So has Jane talked to guy back home in awhile?”

“What guy back home?”

“You know; the one she was engaged to.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about. Let’s ask her sister.”

We ask her sister. Her BEST friend. She has no idea what we are talking about either.

So I start dating a guy Jane had previously dated. She had spread all kinds of terrible rumors about him, but I’m the type of person who has to touch the oven to make sure you aren’t just being a pussy. Sure enough, he was a delightful, but quiet guy. She had spread these rumors before he had a chance to say anything about them. Also, it turned out, there most definitely was no man waiting, ring in hand, back home for her. Oh and the tragic rape? Lies too.

But she didn’t know I knew. This is key to dealing with pathological liars. As long as you keep pretending to believe them, you will hear the best stories ever. Then, the fun part is to strategically ask them questions and catch them in lies.

So, I ask her, “So, whatever happened with the guy from back home?”

“Oh, my gay friend?”

“No, the guy you were damn near engaged to.”

“Oh, yeah. I don’t know. He just got weird. Want to go get pizza?”

Total subject avoidance. I did this to her several more times for my amusement and stifled my laughter every time she backed off, or told me something I knew to be wrong.

So go out! Find yourself a pathological liar today! Especially you writers. They will put your stories to shame.


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